Allan and Barbara Pease are the internationally renowned experts in human relations and body language, whose 20 million book sales world- wide have turned. PDF Drive is your search engine for PDF files. As of today we have 78,, eBooks for you to download for free. No annoying ads, no download limits, enjoy . The definitive book of body language. Home · The The Body Language of Liars . Read more When Body Language Goes Bad: A Dilbert Book · Read more.
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When I first heard about 'body language' at a seminar in , I became so excited This book is by no means the last word on body language, nor does it. That's why studying body language has such a long history. That's because, the Peases write in "The Definitive Book of Body Language," an open palm has. Available for the first time in the United States, this international bestseller reveals the secrets of nonverbal communication to give you confidence.
Jul 25, Pages download. Nov 12, Pages download. Jul 25, Pages. Nov 12, Pages. Available for the first time in the United States, this international bestseller reveals the secrets of nonverbal communication to give you confidence and control in any face-to-face encounter—from making a great first impression and acing a job interview to finding the right partner.
Drawing upon more than thirty years in the field, as well as cutting-edge research from evolutionary biology, psychology, and medical technologies that demonstrate what happens in the brain, the authors examine each component of body language and give you the basic vocabulary to read attitudes and emotions through behavior. She divides her time… More about Barbara Pease.
Allan Pease has written eleven bestselling books on the subject of human communication and body language, including, with his wife,… More about Allan Pease. And underline. And learn.
And laugh. And steal. The Definitive Book of Body Language is a marvel of a book! Read An Excerpt. Psychology Personal Growth Category: Psychology Personal Growth. Hardcover —. download the Ebook: Him: What? Yeah, of course I did. Weve got to get the car tuned up in the next few days because of the long drive down to your moms on Christmas Day. Okay, Ill get it tuned up as soon as Christmas is over. Getting the lines right hearing doesnt look as though it will work in this instance!
Effective listening is really a combination of the two activities, which results in deriving meaning and under- standing from the speakers words. Listening isnt easy. Its truly a skill. Tests have shown the following: We talk at between and words per minute. We think at a rate of to words per minute. We can think at approximately four to five times the rate that somebody is speaking, so we tend to think of other things than just what is being said see Figure 2.
Of course, the figures vary, but the fundamental point is that the listener is always ahead of the person doing the talking. The implications of this are evident. When youre listening to people, the radio, the television, or whatever, your mind has time to wander away from the words being spoken.
You lose concentra- tion. And if you start thinking about something and it takes you over, youll blot out the other noise and thus switch off. You might look as though youre listening, but youre not actually hearing anything. Since all communication between individuals essentially moves the relationship forward or backward, or keeps it the same, the way you listen and respond to other people is para- mount in promoting the relationship.
If you listen empathically, youre giving out the signal of Im interested in everything that youre saying and Im eager to understand your point of view. If you fail to listen and respond in the right way, youre saying the opposite. So how do we get the best out of the speaker by showing that were listening in the right way? Dont Interrupt Thoughts formulate faster than speech, so theres a strong temp- tation to interrupt the other person.
Interrupting is a sign that youre not listening, that youre eager to sidetrack the speakers line of reasoning in favor of your own , or that youre someone who enjoys talking more than listening. Whatever the reason, you can antagonize the other person by interrupting.
The spontaneity is gone once youve interrupted. Consider this example: First neighbor to second neighbor: You know, Ive been thinking about the problem of your new extension block- ing the light from our bedroom. I know the council has approved it and youve got planning permission. I dont want us to fall out. Second neighbor interrupting : Look, its okay. Ive been to see the architect and Ive told him to reduce the height. Its sorted out.
Sarah didnt want any bad feel- ings.
Neither did I. First neighbor: But I meant. Second neighbor: Its fine, honestly.
Dont think any more about it. Ive got to runIll get stuck in the traffic on the freeway. Well, if the second neighbor had listened without interrupt- ing, events would have taken a different course. His neighbor was going to say, Were having a loft conversion donebeen toying with the idea for years.
Sue suggested we make that our new bed- room because its much bigger and faces south, so your extension wont be a problem for us.
Take a moment to think how you feel the next time someone interrupts you during a conversation. Did it please you? Were you annoyed? Were the other persons sentences better than yours?
Dont Finish Someone Elses Sentences As we saw in the previous example, one persons interjection turned out to be detrimental to his causehed have been much better off if he had kept quiet and let his neighbor finish. Another irritating habit, if done repeatedly, is to finish the speakers sentences.
Consider the following: Client: So this time I want to avoid any. Designer interrupting : Further catastrophe? Thats right. Designer: Dont worry. Well pull out all the stops. You can do this occasionally, but dont make a habit of it. To keep doing it to the same person is not only irritating, but also bad psychology, because the speaker wont feel in control of his or her own ideas.
Filling in words for somebody now and then can show that you are actually listening and provide feedback that youre atten- tive, but it can also get in the way of the other persons ego. It may well look as though youre trying to wrestle original thoughts from them and claim them for your own.
That renders you suspect and doesnt achieve the rapport youre aiming to establish. Jumping the gun like this has another drawback, too: You might guess the wrong ending! Perhaps that possibility has never occurred to you simply because nobody has ever bothered to cor- rect your mistake. Maybe the other person doesnt want to embarrass you and tell you that youre an idiot who has messed up his or her line of thought. They cant continue with their orig- inal point and it might have been crucial.
The ending that you so kindly supplied the wrong one might also plant doubts that never previously existed. For exam- ple, consider this exchange: Jeff the client : Im happy to do business with youits been a couple of years now, I think, since we dealt with youbut I want to make sure.
You interrupting : that you dont get the wrong con- signment like you did the last time and have to wait another three weeks. Jeff was actually going to say, I want to make sure that the download order form that well send you gives the different deliv- ery locations for each batch.
The client now is alerted to the fact that your company messed up the delivery last time and caused a three-week delay.
He may not have known anything about it or he may have forgot- ten. And youve just told him. Jeff decides to think about it: Ill get back to you. He never does. Youve lost his business because of a throw-away and ill-considered line. To make matters worse, your client was actually going to say something to your benefit. Remember the old Mark Twain adage: Better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt!
Another bad habit many people adopt is talking over the other person while theyre speaking. You may think of members of your family, friends, or coworkers who are guilty of this. Your boss may do it to you all the time. Its very common. And its very irritating When youre on the receiving end, this irritating habit says, I dont care what youre going to saymy story is better than yours! Remind you of the school playground? For example, consider this: Anne: Did you enjoy the cruise, Charlotte?
How was it?
Charlotte: Oh, I cant tell you how much we enjoyed our- selves. They had food on each deck at almost all hours, day and night. What she says next is completely drowned out by the other person. Anne talking over her : Oh, how wonderful. We went on a fabulous cruise. Now, when would that have been? Oh, I know, it must have been tenno, more like eight and a half years.
Do you recognize this tendency of one-upping in yourself?
Or do you recognize it in other people? We all talk over others, to some extent, for various reasons not evident at the time, such as excitement, a desire to show empathy, or a desire to bring some- one down if theyre obnoxious. If were aware of it, we can at least try to avoid doing it.
Talking over someone can lose you friends or business. The message is clear: Whether youre doing the listening or whether you want somebody to listen effectively to what you say, try to avoid or prevent any barriers to productive listening. You want to offer support and help, so you jump into the conversation quickly.
The result is an abrupt and premature end to the two-way conversation. If youre the classic problem-solving type, you may be guilty of this, or maybe you are the type that oozes empathy; you might do this frequently, from a desire to help. Your friend: Thats twice he has telephoned at the last minute, saying he has to work late. Im concerned: The thought crossed my mind that he might be seeing some- one else.
I dont know whether Im just being silly. You: Ditch him. Hes not worth it. Your business client: You see, our problem is that the staff members just dont stay.
Maybe after four to six months, they. I dont know whether its the attitude of our senior people toward them or, I dont know, there could be a few other reasons. You: Dont worry.
We vet all applicants thoroughly. Our company has been around for ten years now. Im sure we can get some stability for you. The problem in both of these examples is that the quick response has blocked any further lines of inquiry.