Nikhil Mahajan is the author of My Love Never Faked Trust Me I Still Love You ( avg rating, ratings, 18 reviews), White Smoke Nikhil Mahajan's books. my love never faked nikhil mahajan pdf download. My Love Never Faked Nikhil Mahajan Pdf Download. 2 Reads 0 Votes 1 Part Story. ririnachli By ririnachli. Abhi always makes a lot of mistakes in his life because of his mischievous attitude and Priya Abhi's gf has always forgiven him for all this. She always says that.
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Why is it that I cannot help feeling foolish at times going through the motions of playing the roles I have 3 faking it to play to pass for a properly socialized and sane person? And how do I manage to escape being exposed as a fake as often as I do, unless it is all a setup? To be a proper person behaving properly we must engage in a cer- tain amount of self-monitoring. Most of such monitoring is routine and hardly the stuff to generate great anxiety. More anxiety- provoking are the demands to display proper emotions at the right time and place.
Just trying to display interest when it is polite to do so, or to suppress signs of it when it is impolite to show it, can make us uneasy about how poorly we are playing it. It does not help, for instance, to let the fact that I cannot take my eyes off the big zit on the chin of my interlocutor serve as a substitute for my not being able to maintain the faintest modicum of interest in his conversation. Or is it the voice of a stranger, a father, a conscience, an intruder?
Or all of the above? Those internal conversations that make up much of what we think of as thinking — are they monologues, dialogues, or sessions of the Israeli Knesset? This book is unified by the intrusive fear that we may not be what we appear to be or, worse, that we may be only what we appear to be and nothing more. It is about the worry of being exposed as frauds in 4 introduction our profession, as cads in our loves, as less than virtuously motivated actors when we are being agreeable, charitable, or decent.
Why do we so often mistrust the motives of our own good deeds, thinking them fake good deeds, even when the beneficiary of them gives us full credit? And why do we feel that even our bad deeds might be fake? Remember how as a teenager you tried pathetically to show how tough and fearless you were by shoplifting, drinking yourself senseless, and other things still unconfessable? And related to all this is the question, who is this you that is being so hard on you?
Is it just plain you? Or is it you in a specific role and, if so, what role? You as a fairly hostile observer of guys like you, you the hanging judge? Or is it nothing more than you the ironist with regard to roles you must play?
Yet we still feel a bit tainted by what we think are our own half-hearted commitments and our uncertain or unverifiable motives, about our less than full-hearted performances in the various roles we must play. Or perhaps it is not so much a unified self that feels thus tainted; maybe it is something foisted on the part of us that remains behind by the part of us that stands outside ourselves.
It deals with being watched and judged by ourselves and by others as we posture and pose. It treats of praise and flattery, of vanity, esteem, and self-esteem, false modesty, seeming virtue and virtuous seeming, deception, and self-deception. It is about roles and identity and our engagement in the roles we play, our doubts about our identities amidst the flux of roles, and thus about anxieties of authenticity. These topics are as old as the hills, having been treated many times by poets, novelists, moralists, philosophers, and theologians.
God 5 faking it Himself seems to worry about these kinds of disorienting moments, long before He ever felt it necessary to split into Father and Son and watch Himself perform. God is playing games with His name, giving it as a kind of riddle, a riddle that suggests that He, not He mind you, has absolutely no anxieties about His unity of being, of being fully immersed in Who He Is. No anxieties of faking it for Him.
He, by fiat, is One unified self. But the fiat shows Him protesting too much, for the refusal to fix His name may be because He cannot get a fix on it either.
He is posturing when He answers Moses, playing it up, for He is deeply embattled in an only middlingly successful struggle for the hearts and souls of a stiff-necked people who frequently disobey His commandments and who prefer statues of calves to Him when the going gets rough. The future tense seems better to accord also with the riddling way of naming Himself.
Shape-shifting and name changes: deeply anxious about his iden- tity and role, Saul becomes Paul; and Augustine claims for himself a wholesale change from false to true, but he is so vain of his anxiety as not to be anxious at all.
For recognizable proto-modern anxiety — I skip over many a fearful epic warrior who covered his fear with bravado and, for the moment, ignore Jesus, wondering about his own full immersion into his role in Gethsemane — there is Hamlet, the grandest of poster boys for feeling that he is faking it.
I am drawn to Hamlet too because his worries about roles and feelings of falsity 6 introduction or inadequacy take place in the context of revenge, my scholarly fixation. These moments invite Comedy to attend, though Tragedy sometimes crashes the party.
Furedi argues that 'misery memoirs' characteristically "confess to so much that they take on the character of a literary striptease," providing pornographic accounts of traumatic pain which "actually turn readers into voyeurs" "An Emotional Striptease".
While the degree of faking varies, each scandal reveals a cultural anxiety about authenticity and the need to find-or more specifically, feel-something that can be accepted as unquestionably 'true'. Indeed, the mimicking performed by a fake profoundly unsettles the boundaries between fact and fiction to reveal a public investment in an undisturbed effect of the real, a willingness to accept a blurring of'truth' in the interests of the sensational experience of literature.
The revelation that James Frey's A Million Little Pieces was an artifice, for example, enraged audiences invested in the heartrending narrative of a "raging, drug-abusing" teenager qtd. In a tearful interview with Frey that resulted in the sale of more than two million copies of the text, Winfrey acted as the vehicle through which A Million Little Pieces became a publishing phenomenon.
She authorised its truth claims by proclaiming an intimate emotional connection with the narrative: "I know that, like many of us who have read this. He's okay"' qtd. Indeed, Winfrey helped shape a celebrity author who played upon an identity that transformed a few incidences of petty crime into a sordid history of drug addiction, alcoholism, and violence.
The revelation of fraud emerged after the publication of an expose on the investigative website The Smoking Gun TSG , in which a comprehensive report concluded that Frey had grossly embellished key details of"his purported criminal career, jail terms, and status as an outlaw wanted in three states.
As Frey asserted in the interview with Winfrey: I was a bad guy. If I was gonna write a book that was true, and I was gonna write a book that was honest, then I was gonna have to write about myself in very, very negative ways.
Repeating this incantation numerous times throughout the memoir, Frey went to great lengths to emphasise the authenticity of his self-abuse and criminal history, dismissing assertions that elements of the memoir were radical fabrications.
Frey stated that he "wanted to put up walls as much as [he] possibly could As TSG notes, there is an obvious irony about proclamations of privacy in the context of publishing a graphically detailed bestselling memoir: Why would a man who spends pages chronicling every grimy and repulsive detail of his formerly debased life When you spend paragraphs describing the viscosity of your own vomit, your sexual failings and the nightmare of shitting blood daily, who knew bashfulness was still possible?
Frey refuted accusations of fakery, affirming the truth-value of his narrative by indignantly declaring to readers: "let the haters hate, let the doubters doubt, I stand by my book and my life and I won't dignify this bullshit with any sort of further response" qtd.
Initially, Winfrey continued to authorise the memoir, stressing that the "underlying message of redemption in James Frey's memoir still resonates with me, and I know it still resonates with millions of other people" qtd. Shortly following this declaration, however, Winfrey was forced to recant when audiences argued that her support of Frey represented an indifference to truth Eakin Winfrey then staged a talkshow episode in which she excoriated Frey in simple terms: "You lied" Winfrey, qtd.
The role of Oprah Winfrey, a daytime television magnate, in the unravelling of the Frey controversy is significant. Indeed, the relationship between fake memoirs and the marketplace is one of particular interest in contemporary literary scandals, given the propensity of recent frauds to achieve extraordinary popularity and market success. Certainly, literary authority is conferred not only by 'elite' institutions, but also by the marketplace, which commodifies and packages 'the literary' as a desirable item for download.
In the American context, profits have been largely due to Winfrey. While the role of Winfrey in publicly endorsing an embarrassing series of frauds 1 has seen the media mogul dismissed as easily 'suckered', the 'Oprah Effect' is a well-documented phenomenon that describes the catapulting sales of literature promoted by the talkshow queen Flaherty 7.
Feeding into a "larger obsession with celebrity and identity that is apparent in public culture," Maria Takolander and David McCooey argue that a book marketed in terms of its author "offers the seductive possibility" of allowing the ordinary person privileged access to the celebrity "Fakes, Literary Identity and Public Culture" The book, Takolander and McCooey contend, "more than any other commodity, seems to offer the possibility of penetrating through to the authentic identity of the author.
It seems to offer the possibility of an exchange of interiorities" Jones' Love and Consequences The cult of the literary celebrity also signals the various cultural investments bought by-and sold to-reading audiences.
Much of the literature promoted by Winfrey has a tendency to represent authors who explore or have experienced trauma, such as Toni Morrison, Maya Angelou, Gabriel Garcia Marquez, and Elie Wiesel. In line with Winfrey's penchant for texts representing triumph through adversity, the book club not only feeds a public demand for narratives of trauma, but also highlights how minority voices are marketed for majority culture-an interplay further complicated by Winfrey's position as a member of both the mainstream in her celebrity and the marginal as a black woman.
Moreover, as Winfrey celebrates the prize-winning literature of writers who have suffered under colonialism, racism, and religious persecution, she reveals a public culture keen to be associated with the "high aesthetic value and moral seriousness" accorded to 'literary' texts Carter n. As David Carter notes in the context of Australian literary culture, "good books and good reading are lifestyle and identity 'accessories"' that have the power to endow readers with aesthetic and ethical integrity.
As celebrities help to package moral and aesthetic seriousness as desirable commodities, particular authors and texts-those associated with the suffering minorities- are connected with a particular kind of prestige, as are the readers who support and consume them. It is a circuitry of cultural value that fakes have astutely exploited, recognising the commodification of marginality for mainstream audiences, and the pretensions, perhaps, of literary culture per se.
Ironically, one of the most notable features of Frey's memoir is its insistence on absolute authenticity and its aggressive derision of romanticised narratives of victim hood. As Meghan O'Rourke contends, the Frey affair is made farcical by the canny criticisms in the memoir of "the 'bullshit' stories that shape our interactions with people, politicians, and the media, especially the stories that are billed as the most raw and honest.
Foremost, Frey repeatedly returns to notions of individual responsibility, rejecting ideas about the role of socio-cultural dynamics in shaping the suffering of the addict and victim. As Frey argues:"Somehow I always knew that I would kill myself with drugs and alcohol. I knew each time I took a drink, I knew each time I snorted a line I knew each and every time. I could not stop" Further, the memoir engages with the terms through which victimhood is transformed in order to function as a validating narrative for reading audiences.
The reality of how I lived will be avoided and changed and phrases will be dropped in like Beloved Son, Loving Brother, Reliable Friend People will change their view of me, from reckless Fuck-Up to helpless Martyr, from dangerous Fool to sad Victim, from addicted Asshole to unfortunate Child. As Frey contends: "No happy lies, no invented memories, no fake sentimentality, no tears" By self- consciously exposing the generic conventions of'misery memoirs' and aggressively rejecting cultural prescriptions for victim hood, Frey appears to be resisting the status quo.
The irony, of course, is that Frey is capitalising precisely on those trends that he seeks to excoriate and diminish. By explicitly rejecting the 'fake', Frey positions A Million Little Pieces as the most authentic account of suffering available to readers, a narrative marked by its refutation of artifice and pretence. Interestingly, Frey draws upon two key representational strategies in order to emphasise the truth-value of the memoir, and to set the text apart.
Firstly, the memoir regularly adopts the tone of a police file, documenting details of his addiction as perfunctory and indisputable 'facts': James Frey. Born in Cleveland, Ohio, September 12, Started stealing sips from drinks at seven. Got hammered for the first time at ten Smoked dope at twelve. By thirteen was smoking and drinking regularly. Mimicking a form axiomatically linked to the 'truth' is a kind of confidence trick.
Secondly, Frey explicitly condemns the inability of the media to portray an accurate vision of reality. For example, the memoir provides a detailed explanation of a television drama in which a heroin addict is admitted to hospital after an overdose.
Frey observes the constructed nature of the narrative-"She wears dirty clothes that are ragged in a glamorous way" -and after its happy conclusion; rails against the writers of the show: If I could, I would hunt down the Creators of this utter bullshit fantasy fairy-tale piece of crap and I would lock them in a room and feed them drugs until they were profoundly and chronically Addicted to them I'd ask them if their experience has in any way whatsoever resembled the experience they presented to the Public.
After I received their answers, no no no please what I do now no fuck me I'm fucked no please help me no no no, I'd ask them how they were going to present addiction to the Public in the future.
I'd ask them if they were going to romanticise it, glorify it, make light of it, or portray it in a way that is wholly inaccurate.
No no no please what 94 Volume 39, I do now no fuck me I'm fucked no please help me no no no. That's what I thought, you Motherfuckers. His self-righteous arrogance makes doubting the text appear entirely unreasonable.
Frey's performance is not only aided by the forceful language and the belligerent assertions of credibility, but also by the emotional engagement of reading audiences and the positioning of author-victims as messiahs able to lead readers to the 'truth'.
Indeed, the popularity of the 'misery memoir' has often been attributed to its inspirational qualities, evidenced by the marketing of the genre as a source of motivation for readers interested in changing their lives. In this way, these memoirs construct self-help gurus from the survivors of traumatic experience.
By doing so, narratives such as A Million Little Pieces seek to gain authority by offering the sense of something 'real'. They offer a literary experience, for example, that is felt to be genuinely capable of changing the life of the reader.
Indeed, recent fakes have explicitly eschewed the status of victim, electing, rather, a position of martyr-like responsibility. As Frey writes in A Million Little Pieces: I'm a victim of nothing but myself, just as I believe that most people with this so-called disease aren't victims of anything other than themselves I call it the acceptance of my own problems and my own weaknesses with honor and dignity.
In a second example of a fraudulent 'misery memoir', the phenomenon of Dave Pelzer reinforces how the marketing of trauma is a lucrative vehicle through which victims can benefit from the injustices of childhood abuse.
The author of a trilogy of memoirs-A Child Called 'ft' , The Lost Boy and A Man Named Dave -Pelzer has enjoyed considerable success, selling million copies of the books in the UK alone while appearing on the Times bestseller list for a combined weeks Jordan. According to the memoirs, Pelzer suffered a childhood of physical and mental abuse as the result of an alcoholic mother intent on torturing her bewildered son.
A Child Called 'It', for example, recounts incidences where Pelzer is forcefully burned on a gas stove; starved then made to eat faeces, a bar of soap, ammonia, and a 'bowl of regurgitated hot dogs' 34 ; stabbed; whipped with a dog chain; and made to sleep on the garage floor. Following the extraordinary popularity of the trilogy, Pelzer sought to help others learn how to "feel good about themselves" qtd.
As Pelzer claims, the allure is "not about the books. My fans are downloading the DNA of Dave" qtd. Asserting that "there's a lot of Dave mania when I speak" qtd. Indeed, according to Pat Jordan in The New York Times, to watch Pelzer work "is to be put in mind of those itinerant preachers of the early part of last century He is the Elmer Gantry of the 21st century, selling his books, his abuse, his platitudes, the DNA of Dave, an afternoon of laughter, some praise.
There wasn't even any blood, yet he screamed, 'Mommy stabbed me! Pelzer's grandmother, Ruth Cole His books should be in the fiction section. While the constructed nature of all autobiographical writing has attracted critical scholarship for some time, as 'misery memoirs' encourage readers to empathically connect with the traumas of the author, the genre highlights how an emotional link offers an authentic literary experience that transcends the simplistic binary of true and false.
Certainly, the controversies involving Frey and Pelzer reveal how anxieties about the inability of literature to provide something 'real' are mitigated via an emotional connection with the text.
In Winfrey's initial defence of Frey, for example, she asserted that the memoir retained its resonance regardless of issues concerning its factuality, while readers of Pelzer have rapturously described how his works have profoundly altered their sense of self Jordan. The em pi rica I truth-va Iue of a text is certainly no measure of its capacity to captivate and transform reading audiences, as fiction most obviously suggests.
Indeed, while other memoir fakes-such as the false testimonies produced by Bruno Dossekker, Norma Khouri, and Monique de Wael-have been comprehensively rejected by a reading public in light of their implications for historical fact, the memoirs produced by Frey and Pelzer have yet to be fully renounced by readers who remain enthra lied by the narratives of abuse.
A reader review of A Million Little Pieces on www. I've read it sic when I was in rehab for the second time And every time, that book made me feel better, it made me laugh and cry and- most important-it made me feel content with the fact that I've got to fight. I don't give a shit whether the facts in that book were true or not. As long as it touches me, as long as it makes me laugh and cry and fight, it's bloody well enough.
What is interesting about the arguments surrounding these fakes, then, is the willingness of audiences to relax, if only temporarily, the demand for absolute authenticity-in terms of 'fact'-in the interests of the sensational effects provided by the text and the intimacy of the reading experience. As Sidonie Smith and Julia Watson note in Reading Autobiography, the 96 Volume 39, genre of memoir inherently allows for ambiguity on questions of what determines 'truth', arguing that autobiographical narration is so written that it cannot be read solely as either factual truth or simple facts.
As an intersubjective mode, it lies outside a logical or judicial model of truth and falsehood. The gap between representation and reality is sufficiently blurred to allow an effect to possess truth-value, what Smith and Watson might term a "communicative exchange and understanding" 17 between the reader and the text. Arguably, this effect is made all the more powerful by the recognition of the limitations of language when representing trauma.
As Leigh Gilmore suggests in The Limits of Autobiography, the complex relationship between trauma and representation subjects memoirs to anxieties about veracity but more importantly, raises questions about the limits of language. Gilmore argues that something of a consensus has already been developed that takes trauma as the unrepresentable to assert that trauma is beyond language in some crucial way, that language fails in the face of trauma, and that trauma mocks language and confronts it with its insufficiency.
In this scenario, what is the difference, readers question, in the 'laughter and tears' produced by a fake and those by a genuine article? Reality, then, is reduced to little more than a sensation of the 'real' produced by a simulation.
It is a notion in line with the arguments of Jean Baudrillard, who claims that human experience is of a simulation of reality, a "network of artificial signs" 20 , rather than the real itself.
It is important to remember that as the simulations produced by Frey and Pelzer "threaten the difference between the 'true' and the 'false', the 'real' and the 'imaginary"' Baudrillard 3 , on a personal level broader social narratives begin to be re-scripted and formulated as something 'other'.
Unlike fraudulent Holocaust memoirs, for example, which draw upon a well-documented historical trauma to validate experiences of suffering, fake confessions of domestic abuse have contributed to the construction of an entirely new version of family reality. As Furedi argues, false 'misery memoirs' "do more than merely stretch the boundaries of truth.
They set out to demonstrate that, whatever the facts might be, there is a higher truth out there-namely that the horrendous degradation of children is a normal. While there are authors of the genre who represent experiences of trauma without a context of childhood victimhood-such as Frey-an increasing majority relate to the sadistic abuse or mistreatment of children.
Furedi asserts that the family, "once 97 ALYSON MILLER, The Pornography OfTrauma idealised as a haven from a heartless world, is now widely depicted as a vile and abusive institution," as 'misery memoirs' suggest that tragedy, violence and degradation are a hidden social 'norm', the '"reality' of childhood and family life.
Autobiographies of childhood pledg.